Let’s face it! Simply stated, this big world is filled with a bunch of cheapskates looking for cheap crap. Yes that includes you and me and everyone you know and everyone they know. Didn’t you hate being in line at the grocery store stuck behind the person who had an endless box of crumpled coupons? “Seriously…., are you really wasting my time by searching for the 50 cent off coupon for Uncle Ben’s Instant Rice?” Long gone are the days of cutting coupons, grandma! Time to put the away the scissors and pull out your laptops!
With the invention of companies like groupon.com, livingsocial.com, savemore.com, dealster.com, yipit.com, deal on.com and mydailythread.com, the masses biggest dreams have finally come true. And all without the help of Oprah. Now we live in a world where everything is essentially half off! Yes, sometimes it’s a good deal: Butter yellow teeth? (Get them whitened), Hairy sasquatch back? (Laser that ugly crap off) Blind as a bat? (Get some new goggles). Then there’s the “questionable” deals: Go on an exciting balloon ride (You may want to get life insurance first), Learn to sexy pole dance (You may want to join a gym first), Try some Indian food (You may want to bring some antacid & the restroom location first).
On the flip side of the coin, if you are a business that deals with not so sweet, demanding, confused or plain dumb consumers, you may want to start your own websites such as yourudeasshole.com, can’tyoureadthefineprint.com, or thecouponexpiredlastmonth.com or i’mgonnaputaguninmymouthandblowmybrainsout.com. Kidding, of course. As a business owner, it is difficult to deal with people in the “daily deals” world. If you see something you like, buy it. But yet that is too simple for all the simpletons. Here are 5 steps to making your life AND ours easier.
1. If you past at least 7th grade, you should be able to read the ENTIRE coupon from beginning to end. Don’t call the business and ask them to explain the deal to you. If we do, we will be forced to read it VERY slowly as if communicating with a Korean tourist or a partially deaf 90 year old man.
2. Don’t call the business to make an appointment, giggling and ask them if they’re tired of all the phone calls from the sales. Yes, we are probably tired, angry & hungry and will say “yes” and hang up on you. Skip the small talk and get to the point quickly.
3. Don’t try to negotiate your own deal not listed on coupon. I had a guy tell me on a laser hair removal deal that he wanted his nipples lasered. “Um sir, that wasn’t part of the laser deal.” To which he responded, “That’s dumb.” No sir what’s dumb is your genetics and your hairy nipples. Go slap your mother for that.
4. Research what you’re buying. After all you do own a computer and we can’t do ALL the work for you. What next? You will be asking us to come cook you dinner, do your kid’s homework and wipe your ass.
5. Be kind and nice. It’s amazing how rude people can be even after getting a fabulous deal. Sometimes we make exceptions for nice people if the mistake was on their end. When they're disrespectful or combative, we make things worse, on purpose. I guarantee you will get more discounts & smiles from the business if you DON'T act like a spoiled, entitled 7 year old brat with a runny nose.
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