Yes. Getting old sucks. Since i work in the crazy billion dollar beauty industry, i have seen and heard just about everything beauty related. Women are annoyingly vain. Shocker! We are obsessed with our looks from head to toe and try everything humanly possible to hold on to our youth as we age like old smelly cheese. Wait a second….”Youth”? Are you kidding me? My youth was filled with a unibrow, a matching moustache and bad permed hair. No boys even looked twice in my direction. I’m not trying to hold on to THAT for god’s sake. Ok fine I wasn’t the norm and neither was my lovely twin sister. It was just double the ugliness at the time. Most women, however, do longingly look back into their past…daydreaming of time when they had great, flawless skin, beautiful, thick hair and skinny, toned bodies. (Snap fingers!) Wake up to reality ladies. Now, however, most see bad, splotchy skin covered with way too much concealer & foundation. The hair on their heads is now thinning, falling off in clumps in the shower and mysteriously re-appearing above the lip and under the chin like a bad Asian foo man chu. This new “she-beard” just compliments the brand spanking new set of sagging jowels which, in turn, compliments an advanced form of a double-muffin top accented by a pair of swollen cankles. I could go on and on but i think i just may start offending someone.
I was recently very honest with this 75 year old woman who came into the salon and wanted me to suggest a good creme for her heavy wrinkles. I handed her a brown paper bag, told her to put on her head and save her money for a fancy casket. Ok I didn’t really say that BUT i did tell her that her options were very limited. In her case, she definitely needed to go under the knife. I honestly didn’t feel like duping someone’s grandma into buying a $60 so called “miracle in a jar” when i knew it would do nothing for her but make her arthritic hands tired from rubbing it on pointlessly at night.
So what do we do? What are our options? But alas, here is where women reach the critical crossroad…..turn right and do nothing dramatic. Age gracefully like what a grandma should: glasses, gobble neck, saggy boobs, smelling like a mixture of playdoh and pie. Or turn left and turn into a scary, stretched out, injected up, genetically engineered clone-grandma with a permanent pouty smile. A version that definitely keeps the plastic surgeons pockets full and a young 20 something on THEIR arms. There has to be a happy medium, right?
Model Paulina Porizkova quoted a French proverb that says “old age is revenge of the ugly ones.” Give me a break. Anyone who believes that was probably too obsessed with their looks, had a bad personality and are now upset because no one is noticing them anymore. Here’s a tissue lady. Have a good cry then get over it. How about you try now being noticed for your heart or your mind? Or, even better, your kindness to others. Quit looking in the mirror. It’s like opening the fridge over & over again looking for food to mysteriously appear. In your case, you’re looking for something to mysteriously disappear and it’s not happening, sister. Embrace your age and try to look fabulous no matter if you’re 25 or 60. Your family and friends will love you unconditionally no matter what you look like…..
~ Miss GlowGirl xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment